The Power Within YOU!
I can remember growing up and feeling very powerless against my abusers and in many difficult situations. My counselor once told me I am not like most abuse survivors, I did not let them steal my hope.
Hope is something that we all have, and no one can take this from us! I started a hope journal, at first for simple things every day. Then small goals and then large goals that I knew would take time. By starting these steps of hope, this shifts the power of your circumstance back to you. You have the power of change with your hope!
Start tomorrow when you wake up, before you get out of bed take a moment and say: “I have the power of hope today. Today I hope for _________________.” Leave it there, begin your day. As you go through your day think of what you have hoped for, let the negative things in your day not take over your day.
It will take time to train your thoughts and emotions; in t
My father was a dry alcoholic (he had the temperament of an alcoholic) and my mother was the typical housewife that stayed quiet. I was physically and emotionally abused most of my childhood by my father. A family friend molested me as well as children I knew in my childhood. These were things that I could not go to my parents about especially my father.
A counselor later in my life would define my family as a “toxic family”. I have had to separate my self from my parents, I have a brother no one has seen since ’98, my oldest sister has emotional problems, she has separated herself from everyone, but my father and my youngest sister has become bitter and co-dependent on my mother. I stay in communication with my parents through email and my youngest sister via phone since she is not in Colorado.
I left home at 17 in the ‘80’s and lived on the streets for about a year. Working at a job and then finding somewhere to sleep for the night. I tried drugs, but I did not like the feeling of not being in control of myself. I thought I could ease the pain of my life. I was raped getting a ride home one night and realized I needed to stabilize my life asap. I dated my boyfriend from high school through all this and discovered I was pregnant at 18. We married and moved in together. The abuse with him started emotionally, leaving me at home every weekend and not coming home that is when the cocaine and alcohol started and played a big role in his temperament. After I had my son the physical abuse started. We separated several times, he spent time in jail for almost killing me, in and out of court with mediation. Nothing helped.
I became pregnant again, but he caused a miscarriage at 4 months. I did not deal with this until years later because I was so caught up in what I was already in. It was about 8 years later one morning getting ready for church that it hit me that I never mourned this loss. I spent time healing over this over the next couple of weeks.
We were separated again and through mediation we started to fix things. I became pregnant again and he moved back home. For 9 moths he was clean and sober. After I had my 2nd son it started all over again. We moved and after that the abuse escalated to the point he nearly killed me again. I knew I needed to change things for me and my children. The abuse, drugs and drinking were out of control. We were financially broke, and I had no income, but I knew I had to make a life changing decision to make it on my own somehow for the sake of my children. We divorced it did not go well, he had to go to drug counseling, parenting and anger management. During this time, I learned how to live on a budget, ask others for help, be resourceful and not be prideful. I was continually drug into court over things over the next 3 years involving him and my sons’ visitations, he was using drugs and other drug addicts staying in his house while the kids were there. I had to involve the police for protection for myself and my children. I had 26 orders of protections and child services had a file a foot thick on him, but the court kept making me send them until I stood my ground and had an office testify who was in his house. Then I stopped sending them and he moved to FL after nearly being beaten to death over a drug deal.
I had to take time off from everyone that was doing me harm and my family harm and work on me. Through prayer, reading a lot of books and spending time with my children I got through it and came out the other end whole.