I have lived a lifetime of events that have given me a lifetime of experience on many things. I am 51 and living in Colorado. I have always worked, and I have worked in many different fields with a lot of different people. I seem to attract people who want to talk to me about everything. I do not mind listening, I tend to tell things very black and white. Going through everything I have has made me realize what is important and what is not worth arguing about. As far back as I can remember I have been able to see things in people that they cannot see, I can see things that no one else sees in their situation and I have been able to see further down the road with things to come. I do not know if it is intuition or psychic, things just come to me. I guess this is what always scared me when I had to make a decision, I would see what was coming but I knew I must endure the decision and press forward. If you want to talk, I am here to listen. If you have a question, I can answer with what I would do. Remember you are you. This is your life and it is short. Make the best of it and seek wisdom from others always!
My Story -
I grew up in the Chicago suburbs in the ‘70’s. A time where things were “kept in the closet”. My father was a dry alcoholic (he had the temperament of an alcoholic) and my mother was the typical housewife that stayed quiet. I was physically and emotionally abused most of my childhood by my father. A family friend molested me as well as children I knew in my childhood. These were things that I could not go to my parents about especially my father. A counselor later in my life would define my family as a “toxic family”. I have, later in life, had to separate my self from my parents. I have a brother no one has seen since ’98, my oldest sister has emotional problems and lost her children to their father and she has separated herself from everyone except my father that she stays in touch with and my youngest sister has become bitter and co-dependent on my mother. I stay in communication with my parents through email and my youngest sister via phone since she is not in Colorado.
I left home at 17 in the ‘80’s and lived on the streets for about a year. Working at a job and then finding somewhere to sleep for the night. I tried different kinds of drugs, but I did not like the feeling of not being in control of myself. I thought I could ease the pain of my life. Then I was raped getting a ride home one night and realized I needed to stabilize my life asap.
I had been dating my boyfriend from high school through all this and discovered I was pregnant at 18. We married and moved in together. The abuse with him started emotionally, leaving me at home every weekend and not coming home till very late that is also when the cocaine and alcohol also started and these habits played a big role in his temperament. After I had my son the physical abuse started. We separated several times, he spent time in jail for almost killing me, in and out of court with mediation. Nothing helped. I became pregnant again, but he caused a miscarriage at 4 months. I did not deal with this until years later because I was so caught up in the situation I was already in. It was about 8 years later one morning getting ready for church that it hit me that I never mourned this loss. I spent time healing over this over the next couple of weeks.
We were separated again and through mediation we started to fix things. I became pregnant again and he moved back home. For 9 moths he was clean and sober. After I had my 2nd son it started all over again. We moved and after that the abuse escalated to the point he nearly killed me again. I knew I needed to change things for me and my children. The abuse, drugs and drinking were out of control. We were financially broke, and I had no income, but I knew I had to make a lifechanging decision to make it on my own somehow for the sake of my children.
We divorced it did not go well, he had to go to drug counseling, parenting and anger management. During this time, I learned how to live on a budget, ask others for help, be resourceful and not be prideful. I was continually drug into court over things over the next 3 years involving him and my sons’ visitations, he was using drugs and other drug addicts staying in his house while the kids were there. I had to involve the police for protection for myself and my children. I had 26 orders of protections and child services had a file a foot thick on him, but the court kept making me send them until I stood my ground and had an officer testify who was in his house. Then I stopped sending them and he moved to FL after nearly being beaten to death over a drug deal.
About 3 years later, I met another man and married again. His mother was terminally ill. She died shortly after marriage. He kept all of her prescriptions and became addicted to her pain killers and became a different person. He moved in and out 4 times in 4 years. This was emotional abuse. I knew this was not good for me or my children. I tried counseling for a year and my counselor said I knew what I needed to do so I filed for divorce.
After that I spent about 2 years working on me, finding a great job and spending time with my children. I needed to heal me, my past and make some short- and long-term goals. Even though I was single I knew that there was someone out there still for me. I needed to get me to the place I needed to be to be good for the next person I meet. I needed to be whole for him, strong for him and not reminding him of what I have been through but instead build our life and out memories.
About 2 years later I met another man and we have been together for 11 years now. We have never got around to getting married (he is divorced too). We just concentrated on raising my kids and his kids. After I moved in with him, in the fall I lost my job in ’08 and lost my house (I was renting it out), savings, 401K and unemployment took 4 months to get. I took a job making less and lost it too. I had to file chapter 7 to get rid of all the bills that we still on a house I did not have. I have been on unemployment 5 times in 8 years. I had come to a point in 2017 where again I needed to make a difficult decision and move for work and leave my boyfriend behind. It has been difficult, but I have found work and he is trying to transfer. We are living in two places, we talk every day, and I fly home every couple of weeks. We make it work, we know what love is and what trust is. This is what we built our relationship on. We want to marry, we want it to be our time. The last child will be out of the house in May and we will marry next summer.
When I moved to Colorado last year, my adult sons came with me to find work too. It is hard living with your adult kids, but we make it work. I look at it as time we are making up for when I had to put them in daycare to work. Time, I missed and now time we are making up. We recently had to put our family dog down. That was a very hard decision to make, for her sake we knew new needed to do it. It was an emotional hardship on all of us. It has taken us about a month to get over. We miss her!